Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 16 of 27

{I hope that you can understand this entry I was rushed to post it before people start complaining LOL j/k. I have a busy day tomorrow so I will post around midnight (eastern time U.S) If you are wondering if I am writing it as I go well yes and no, I wrote about 40 pages but are mainly things that I want to mention according to my perspective and the order of events that took place at the time, I know I should just do it all one shot but I feel overwhelmed by so much writing. I guess that I am writing as I go LOL.}

The next day Midas was at my door, I didn’t feel like going out with him, dinner was great but I didn’t want to talk to him. I wasn’t going to open the door but I was listening to music and he could totally hear that I was there. I opened the door and greeted him he asked if he could come in I said

“No, I told you it is not my place”

He said “ok, should I come back in about a 1hr and we could have dinner or watch a movie?

I decided to go, what I’m gonna stay home for? To cry about that fucker, naa I am going.

We went to eat but I didn’t want to go to the movies, I was feeling uncomfortable around him so I asked him to take me home. I arrived home; he offered to walk me in and said:

“I don’t want to beat around the bush I like you and I know that you don’t have a job so I want to make you a proposal, I can help you, I can talk to my brother he is in charge of a travel agency and probably he can hire you, I can help you get an apartment … you can save money and go back to the states

I said what do mean? (Can you actually believe that I said that? What do you mean? My goodness, I needed to wake up! If I continued with this kind of mentality everybody was gonna take advantage of me, it was a jungle out there, survival of the fittest....)

He said: I am not ready for a relationship…… I mean I am willing to pay you….it’s just sex….

I felt like I was taking a nap and rudely awoken by a bucket of cold water in the face. I couldn’t believe this guy, I was speechless…….

He said: I will give you $350 dollars….you can really use that money
I said “Midas you are a fucken asshole you know my situation and you fucken say shit like this you make me sick!! I would NEVER EVER fuck someone like you take your money and shove it

Midas smiled and that made me angrier he said “silly girl, everybody’s got a price….. Sleep on it; I will see you in a few days.

I said “fuck you! I don’t ever wanna see you again!” And I walked away…

What makes me upset till this day it’s that I was so naive for the longest time I was living in this bubble and went I actually stepped into the real world I wasn’t fit to deal with its complexity and evilness, everything was coming at me at once, I was discovering so many things about this world and I couldn’t keep up with it, one thing after another, piercedtongue bam, getting stiffed at my last job bam, Midas proposal bam… I was loosing my mind, I felt like if I was in this black hole and I was going deeper and deeper and I couldn’t get out.

I was crying and my self-esteem plunged through the floor, I was telling myself that I couldn’t even keep Piercedtongue that I wasn’t worth loving... I kept thinking that maybe I should just have sex with Midas and get all the help that I need because even if I gave myself for love like I did with piercedtongue I get fucked over…. I was so demoralized.

I didn’t have notion of time, I was sleeping for about 2 days straight. I didn’t take a shower, I didn’t brushed my teeth, I didn’t care I couldn’t go on, I could feel the tears coming down my cheeks but I couldn’t feel anything I was numb. I felt like if I was trapped in a dark room but I didn’t want to come out and the only thing I wanted to do was to sleep and never wake up.

To be continued...


AlpHa Buttonpusher said...

Awww sweets,sucks that a sweet person like you had to deal with all that scum.. I just know this story has a some sort of a happy ending...*HUGS*

P.S.and you betta be back soon..lol ;)

Christine said...

HE is a dirt bag.

Unfortunalty, if one gets hungry, and scared enough ........

When you get the time, come over and give your warm wishes to the Blogger of the week ... he would love it from you!
Thank you!

.beee. said...

Wow, I can't believe how absolutely dirty some people can be. He knew your situation, and yet, he continued to be selfish thinking only of himself and what HE really wanted....he's such a pathetic excuse for a man.

Richard said...

He caught you by surprise. He was out of line by offering you money.

BitterSweet said...

I can't believe this man. How can he possibly try to take advantage of the situation you were in.

Shania said...

Thank you for keeping up with my story and taking the time to leave messages.

As soon as I decided to step out of that "bubble" I had to deal with the real world and learn how to survive.