Saturday, March 7, 2009

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 6 of 27

{I am sorry to notify you that I will be away for a few days and therefore I won’t be able to post another entry for a couple of days. I hope you are able to understand this post because its almost 4am and don't know what the hell I am saying and not making much sense, not that it matters because I have gone back to read my entries and find mistakes like "exited" more then once and been too lazy to correct it (I know it's "excited") I apologized for that. Anyways I will be back and thanks for your understanding}

We went back to the apartment and it was the same disgusting smell. I could not open the windows because it was bitterly cold outside, I sprayed some of my Christian Dior “J’adore” in the room and it was more breathable. I figure that in a few weeks, I will have this place smelling like flowers.

He said that if I mind if he smoked by the window. I thought

totally defeated the purpose, I just wasted my beloved Christian Dior

I did not care, I loved him. He finished smoking and I was sitting on the bed listening to music when he grabbed me and started kissing me and whispered: “we were waiting for this moment for far too long”

He began to take off my blouse slowly, my skirt, and removing my black stockings, I was enjoying the kisses but I was embarrassed.
I was left with a red silk brassier and laced panties, he saw me and said,

“I love red”

but did not care about looking at the details of my underwear, so much for spending hours picking the right set of undergarments, he did not even noticed the cute laced panties that I spent a fortune on. He took off my panties and I could hear him breathing heavily.

A pause to explain: I just want to say that, yes to the surprise of many of you, I was in my early 20’s and a virgin. Not that I did not have boyfriends before, real life and flesh boyfriends. I did, I had many, I had flings I made out with a couple of strangers in parties, I was kind of a cock tease (this is all before I started to go seriously to church ok? BFF you know who you are). The opportunity to have sex with a boy was all throughout Jr high and high school, every boyfriend, every fling the same thing always looking for sex. I liked them, I wanted to be with them but I was not interested in having sex with any of them. I did not think any of them were special, I wanted my day to be special, I guess was waiting for my prince charming.

I was sitting at the edge of the bed and he kept kissing me and groping me, he pushed me to the middle of the bed and got on top of me, I did not feel when he took off his clothes but all he had on was a pair of black Calvin Klein’s.

He got up, took them off and I saw his dick, I was so embarrassed, it was awkward, feeling very uncomfortable and not know what to do next.

I was about to sit up but he pushed me again and got on top of me, it was so hard to breath because of his weight, I felt like he was crushing me. I was not ready yet, I was not excited yet, but he was.

He opened my legs violently and went in abruptly. I felt like he was literally ripping me apart, I was in excruciating pain, he was so rough, it was so painful I couldn’t take it anymore.

I was yelling hysterically STOP,STOP! But he kept going. I was panicking and trying to push him off, crying and yelling and there was no response, I began slapping him uncontrollably, screaming to the top of my lungs.

He stopped, I pushed him off and he looked at me like if I was crazy. I got up quickly and I could feel hot blood coming out of my vagina, I was bleeding profusely.
I picked up my skirt and began wiping my legs and tried to cover myself. I ran to the bathroom screaming and weeping while leaving a trial of blood.

I was shaking, in a lot of pain (mostly a terrible pain in my stomach) and still bleeding. I started to shower crying and thinking and feeling awful. It was nothing especial like I thought it would be, what the hell have I done? I was such an Idiot this was horrendous, and my friends never told me that there was so much blood.
I was sitting in the shower letting the water run over me, just crying my heart out, feeling empty, miserable, filthy and like a whore.

He kept knocking on the door and I kept telling him to go away, I did not want to see him. After an hour he came inside the bathroom, apologized and asked me to come to bed.
I laid in a bed with no blankets because they were all soiled with my blood. He went to sleep right away and I was just thinking and wanting to go back but it was too late, I was already there.

To be continued...


Richard said...

He was kind of rough and uncaring. very selfish behabior on his part.

Blake said...

Omg, thats horrible! I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I can't really relate to the entire experience but I can tell you that this: "I was sitting in the shower letting the water run over me, just crying my heart out, feeling empty, miserable, filthy and like a whore." is something I can totally relate to.

AlpHa Buttonpusher said...

What an idiot!!!

Shania said...

I don't want to present him as the bad guy because I too was at fault for many things that happened but at the time I did not know any better. I thought that it was an acceptable behavior and "everybody" went through that. I now know I was wrong.

Thanks for commenting.

AlenaRosa said...

Wow, your ability to lay everything out there is admirable. I am really enjoying this series and relate a lot to your experiences. Also on a side note I'm almost done with my early twenties and am still waiting for someone special just like you were. thanks again for commenting<3

Shania said...

AlenaRosa: I am glad that you are liking my adventures. Thanks so much for your comment.