Friday, April 17, 2009

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 27 of 27 Finally!

{Thank you all for your patience, I know I dragged it for so long but I am finally done. I will be taking a couple of weeks off but will be responding to all the comments. I want to thank my friend that helped me with some posts but eventually had to fire because she was too busy getting married LOL. Thanks once again and I love you all!}

At work my boss didn’t bother me at all, everything was fine except that I was still finishing at midnight and basically working 4 hours everyday for free.
One of those nights Marven came to visit me at the restaurant. I was very surprised to see him because I never told him where I worked (he asked Moe). He helped me clean and was able to finish at 9:30.

Marven was coming everyday to help me clean(I never asked him) every night we would leave together to watch movies, go to bars, etc. we were spending so much time together and was really enjoying being with him. Eventually we ended up as girlfriend and boyfriend. After 1 ½ years of going out we got married. It has been over 2 years since we married. We love each other, have a great relationship and frankly I couldn’t be happier with him.

One day while talking to him he said something that really got me thinking “I know that I was the reason you came to Canada”. I honestly believe that. I know that I went through a lot, in part because of my stupidity, lack of experience and partly because I needed to go through that so I could learn many valuable lessons, grow as a person and really value the nice things that I have now.

I remember when I got married and saw our apartment for the first time. I couldn’t believe that this was where I was going to live; finally a place to call home and to have someone to share my life with was unbelievable. Not long ago I was thinking on just surviving and trying to make ends meet. I got way more than what I asked for.

I never heard from Piercedtongue again. I decided to forgive him even thought I never received an apology. I wish him the best and I hope that he finds/found happiness.

I would like to make one thing clear. By any means I don't want people to believe that all Muslims or Arabs are bad people. I happened to have many Arabic and Muslims friends that are nothing like Piercedtongue and to categorize everyone as being bad will be pure ignorance from my part.

I could have never done it without God’s help and all the people that helped me even when I didn’t want help. For those that are going through something similar, my advice is: Don’t give up, learn from your mistakes, don’t be afraid to ask for help, don’t hold grudges and always believe that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 26 of 27

A few days later I was still in so much pain and with a huge bump on my forehead. I had enough money to move out so I called my friend Antonio to see if he could help me find a room to rent. We checked many places and found a nice room that was going to be available on Saturday. I couldn’t believe it a place of my own at last. I talked to Moe and thanked him for letting me stay at his place. I offered to give him some money but he refused to take it. I gave him the money anyway, it was only fair.

Saturday arrived; I was thrilled to be moving out. I was trying to find Marven’s phone number but I couldn’t find it and Moe was no where to be found. Sasha had a car so she helped me move and bought me a couple of home appliances.
There I was finally out of Moe’s house…. I just needed to work a bit more so that I could have enough money to go back to the states.

I didn’t see Marven for a while and was too busy and tired to look for him. I thought that maybe it was better this way.

A friend of mine wanted to hook me up with a friend of hers. She told me that he was an older man but very wealthy and distinguished. I wasn’t too thrilled about him being older but I decided to give it a shot. I wanted to meet him in at starbucks just in case the date turns bad, I could quickly drink my coffee and leave.

The date wasn’t going too bad but I could see that we had no chemistry. He wasn’t an ugly guy but nothing that I was attracted to. He was very refined, educated and polite. He even brought a gift (my friend told him that I was a fan of Andrea Bocelli) so he gave me 2 of Andrea Bocelli’s cd's and another cd of various opera singers. He asked me if I wanted to go to Niagara Falls. I have never been to Niagara Falls before. I agreed because I really wanted to go and he wasn’t a bad person to be around.

He drove for a few hours and we finally got there. He took me to a very nice restaurant. I was asked by the waiter what kind of wine I wanted (I had no idea about wines but I vaguely remembered from living in California “pink zinfandel”) it was a nice fruity wine. Dinner was great and I was very interested in everything he had to say. He asked if I was interested in spending the nigh there (umm hell no, I am not about to give it up to this man!) I told him that we should get back to the city. We went back and took a walk through downtown .At the end of the date he asked me what I wanted from life and what did I think of this date. I did not expect him being so straight forward but I appreciated that. I told him that I wanted to go back to the States and to finish college but after that I wasn’t sure (didn’t answer his questions about the date.I couldn’t tell him that we had no chemistry). He said that he wanted to get married (hmm… I didn’t want to marry at all) and talked about his business plans etc.

He totally knew that we were not right for each other. We said our goodbyes and I spoke to him a couple of times later, he asked me if I needed help in going back to the states but I was doing much better plus I felt uncomfortable taking money from him.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 25 of 27

One morning, I heard someone knocking on the door around 7am. I thought that maybe Moe forgot his keys but when I opened the door it was Marven. I was so embarrassed to see him because I just woke up and looked awful. He excused himself for coming very early but said that it was impossible to find me in the evenings and he just wanted to say hello. We chatted for a bit, I updated him about my life then he left to go to work. Marven’s morning visits were becoming more often. I would wake up around 6:30am washed my face, brushed my teeth, putted a little blush and mascara, checked that I was smelling fresh and go back to bed. When he came, I would pretend that I just woke up (I wanted him to think that I woke up with minty breath and rosy cheeks).

It was a Friday night and I managed to finish at 11pm. I got home and saw Marven waiting in the lobby, he said “I was waiting for Moe” (yeah right of course I didn’t believe him) he came in; we made out and asked me if I wanted to have sex (I really wanted to have sex with him). That was the day that I finally knew what making love was. He was so gentle, he took the time to get me in the mood, and he made sure that I always had pillows under my head. It was so different from what I knew from Piercedtongue.

The truth was that I didn’t think much of my relationship with Marven. He was a sweet handsome guy that I was attracted to but I didn’t see it seriously. I thought “I am just gonna use this experience to mend my heart and then it’s over, this is only a hook up”

Going to work was a drag, not because I was working 12 hours a day and 6 days per week but because my boss was always trying to catch a feel. I would be washing dishes or preparing an order and he would walk by me, bump into my butt and say “oh I am sorry it was an accident”. I would believe his story if it happened a few times but it was very often. After the butt incident he moved on to hugging me in the kitchen when no one was around. I asked him to stop but he continued and now trying to kiss me on my cheek. I felt so helpless because I didn’t want to lose my job; I almost had enough money to move out of Moe’s and couldn’t afford to lose this job. I thought on telling his wife but I knew that if I said anything, she would fire me. I endured his constant sexual harassment and avoided any situation in which I had to be alone with him.

It was Saturday morning. I got to work and noticed that his wife wasn’t there. I asked if she was sick and he said “I have decided to give her Saturdays off because it is not very busy, you and me can handle the clients” (are you kidding me? Saturdays were our busiest days!) I didn’t feel like talking to him so I just continued with my work. Closing time was approaching and I kept telling him that I could finish by myself and that he could go home (anything to avoid being alone with him). He refused to go home insisting that I could finish faster if he was around to help me.

I was staying away from him and always standing by the surveillance cameras, just in case if he tried to do something, it’s caught on camera. I needed to go to the kitchen were he was and thought” ok, I am going in really quick, take whatever I need and leave before I give him a chance to hug me or something like it. As soon as I went in the kitchen, I saw him smiling at me in a very creepy way. He hugged me really tightly and tried to kiss me on the lips; I managed to pull away and kicked him in the shins.

He was chasing me around the tables and chairs. I was so scared and told him to leave me alone and that I didn’t want to work there anymore. There were stools lined up and thought that if I could climb up the table, run through those stools really fast I could make it to the back door and leave. I managed to run through 3 stools when I lost my balance and felt off, I landed on a bunch of chairs and got hurt pretty badly. Half of my body was on the floor and the other half was still on the chairs. I felt a bump on my forehead growing by the second and couldn’t get up. I was crying, telling him to go away. He offered to take me to the hospital and said we would pay for it. I didn’t want to go because my visitors permit expired.

He took me home and apologized but I was still very upset, he promised that he wont bother me anymore but to please not leave the job(many of my friends said that I should’ve ask him for a raise and /or money to keep my mouth shut and not tell his wife. Frankly I thought about it but didn’t want to complicate my life even more. He told me to take the week off and paid my wages (it wasn’t free money I worked for this).

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 24 of 27

Marven came home but as usual Moe wasn’t there. I was telling myself “you are not gonna kiss him any more, this needs to stop”. We chatted for a bit but kept thinking about not kissing him. Then, the inevitable, we started making out. This time things started to get hot and heavy. He asked if I was ok to have sex. I thought: you know what? Why not! I am a free woman; I can do whatever I want. In a way I wanted to stick it to Piercedtongue. Guess what PT? I had sex with your friend and so what! Plus I was attracted to Marven; it was a win win situation.

I asked if he had condoms, he didn’t. Told him that I was not going to do it without a condom. He rushed to the nearest pharmacy. While he was out, I was changing my mind…

He came back with a box of condoms, started kissing me and I was getting in the mood again. I double locked the door, just in case Moe came back. We were sucking face pretty intensely, everything was happening really fast, he took off his clothes and I took off my top. Marven asked me again if I wanted to do this, I told him I was very sure. He was very nervous; I could see that he couldn’t even open the box of condoms. When he finally opened the box, he was struggling to open the package. I was having such a hard time not laughing; to be able to see him so tense was extremely amusing. I took the package from his hands and opened it, putted on him and noticed that I accidentally ripped the condom. I could see the frustration in Marven’s face. He started to look for the box of condoms in a pile of clothes. He was running around naked like a chicken without a head, looking for another condom. I couldn’t contain myself, I started to laugh heartily. When he looked at me, I laughed even harder that he started laughing as well. When I was able to speak, I told him how funny he looked naked looking for condoms like if was a matter of life or death. He told me he laughed because I was topless wearing a skirt half way up my back and laughing like a hyena and we started laughing again. We laid in bed, he was still naked and I was topless. Both of us had huge smiles on our faces but none of us wanted to talk about it.

I finally found a job at a restaurant. It was owned by a Southeast Asian couple in their late 40’s. I was so desperate for a Job that I agreed on working a week without pay. In return, they promised to consider me for the job. After the week, I was hired to work the 2nd shift by myself. I would be getting paid $6 dollars an hour, after 3 months I could ask for another dollar. I was going to start working at 10am until 7pm and have an hour to clean and prepare everything for the next day. The problem was that even with help, I still managed to finish at 9:30pm. I told my boss that it was nearly impossible to finishing in one hour. He insisted that after a while, it would be easy for me to finish on time and said he couldn’t afford to pay me for anything after 8pm.

Like I said before I was desperate for a job, I needed to move ASAP from Moe’s house and save enough money to come back to the states.

My first week was awful. Every single day I finished work around 12:30am. I was so exhausted and walking home for 40 minutes at midnight was a bitch, plus I didn’t live in the best neighborhood.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 23 of 27

Moe brought 2 bottles of vodka. I drank a bit but he was wasted! He crashed right away and I kept talking to Marven. I got a bit sleepy but wasn’t drunk, closed my eyes for a bit and Marven thought I passed out. He got up to say good bye to Moe, he did not answer. Marven came to me and said:” Shania I am leaving” I did not answer. He sat next to me, asked me again, “I am leaving, hello!” I did not feel like answering, just wanted to sleep. I was waiting for him to open the door and leave but I didn’t hear any movement.

He walked back to my direction and touched my hand, began kissing my forehead, my eyes, and lips. I wasn’t sure if I should open my eyes or keep pretending that I am sleeping, I opted for the second choice. I wanted to kiss him back but I wasn’t sure if it would ruin the moment and how about if I kiss him and he gets all freaked out and doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I was still faking it and enjoying every moment. He kissed my hand one more time, covered me with a blanket and said “good night sweetie”. I couldn’t believe what happened. I was even more confused than before. That night, I wasn’t able to sleep. I was reviving over and over this incident in my head.

Next time I saw Marven, I tried to act as natural as possible. I didn’t want him to know that I was pretending to be sleeping while he was kissing me. I had to control my emotions because every time I saw him, felt butterflies in my stomach. I noticed that Marven was going to Moe’s house more often than before. He would bring food, movies, booze, etc...

One night Marven came home but Moe wasn’t there. I invited him in, we talked for a bit and we kissed. I don’t remember exactly what was going on and who kissed who but we were kissing for a very long time. I wouldn’t consider this making out because there wasn’t much touching of our bodies. I told him that it was a mistake that I did not want to be in trouble with Moe because I was doing this at his house with his best friend’s friend. Marven agreed that it wasn’t appropriate and apologized.
A few days later, Moe received a call from Piercedtongue. Even though Moe was speaking Arabic I knew it was him.

He said: “Shania, He said he is not coming back and he couldn’t talk to you.

WTF! That’s it? I am not coming back and I can’t talk to you? Are you serious? Where the fuck is my apology? Where is my chance to tell him how I feel? Where the hell it’s Shania in all this? It was all reduced to a phone call…..

I said: “I knew he wasn’t coming back, I am not “that stupid”. He would’ve at least had the decency to talk to me.

Moe: “I am sorry Shania; he is a piece of shit of a man. I wish that he would never find a good woman”

I was somewhat surprised that he would be talking this way about his best friend.
I said: “I wish that too. I wish he suffers twice what I suffered and that he would never find love. I hope he dies lonely”

Moe told me that when they were living in the Middle East. They used to party together and Piercedtongue was such a womanizer. Sometimes their parties would last a week and in a weekend they could spend easily about $ 30,000 dollars. They could travel to any part of the world; their parents had the money to do all that. After a while, their parents asked them to help with their family business but they didn’t want to work so they asked to study abroad. They decided to come to the west to study but the partying was much more interesting than their studies. When their parents found out they were not studying, they stopped helping financially.

He told me that they couldn’t return home unless they show up with some kind of degree. Both of them were very irresponsible, but that piercedtongue was the worst. Never could keep a job, nor save money, or pay his bills. That basically I dodged a bullet by not marrying him.

He said “common let’s go out, we can have a good time. I just don’t want you to be crying all night over that douchebag”

I told him “I am not gonna cry for him anymore, he is not worth it. I am over him”
He told me how proud he was of me and kept insisting to go out. I told him that I was going to sleep cause tomorrow I need to start looking for a job again.

He left anyways cause he was such a party animal. The truth was that I did cry, not because I loved him (didn’t feel love towards him) but because he didn’t even bother to apologize to me. Not even a reason on why he left. What did I do wrong? Why did it take months for him to call? Did he find someone better? Was she prettier than I? Was I unlovable? I was full of questions but there were no answers for me.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 22 of 27

My womanhood shattered. I felt like my heart dropped to the floor and broke into a million pieces. What was there to show of me? Nothing, I lost it all. My self-esteem was finished; my dignity gone; my honor long gone; my self respect I had left it in California; I was defeated.

When everything had failed and I felt to just give up on everything…my pride lifted me up.

Mothefucker!! He had the nerve to introduce me to his lover? I was hurt. I wanted to slap her. Fucken cocksucker! He cheated on me with this skank.

I said, “You know Mina, you have balls. How many times you looked at me in the eye, yet knowing that you were having sex with him.”

Mina: “I told you I stopped right after I met you. I knew you were a good innocent girl and I confronted him. That’s why I told you not to love him and to just use this as an experience and enjoy the sex.

I said, “You know what the worst of this is? That I had feelings for him.”

But those feelings of love were gone. That’s it, it’s over! I hated Piercedtongue. I wished I would be able to see him once more so that I could at least spit on his face.

I started walking away from her and she kept on following me,

Mina: “I am sorry girl. It is totally understandable that you feel this way towards me, but you have to understand I did not know you. I am not trying to excuse my behavior as I know I was wrong, but don’t lay all the blame on me…”

I turned around and I really wanted to slap her

She rushed to hug me and said, “I am sorry, really. I feel terrible.”

I kept moving away and trying to remove her hands off my waist. She was holding tightly and I kept warning her that if she didn’t leave me alone, I was going to slap her. She responded by saying that if it made me feel better then do it. I didn’t hit her. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have any more tears in my eyes. My tears were anger and frustration. I wanted to punch her in the face and to tell her what cheap fugly whore she was. But I didn’t because it wasn’t her, it was him and it was me.

We talked for a while and I sincerely accepted her apology. I wasn’t mad at her anymore. I was mad at myself for being such a huge loser and believing all his lies.

She gave me her business card and tried to give me money, but I did not take it. I was not about to take money from his fucken lover. We said our goodbyes and I was not planning on becoming friends with her, so I tossed her business card and decided to forget about her. Three days later I found $60 dollars in my purse. It was Mina’s money. Four months later I went to her job so that I could pay her the money. I was told that she moved to another province. I have never seen her again since that last time, but I wish her all the best and hope that one day someone returns the favor. At least she had the balls to come clean unlike Piercedtongue.

I went back home to find that Moe and Marven where there. I was glad not to be alone with Moe cause like I said before the situation was awkward. Sometimes I ran out of things to say to him. We were chilling and smoking. Moe left because he had a date with a girl. He said he was coming back in a couple hours. Marven and I were becoming really good friends… we were talking and joking, well he was doing most of the jokes, I was just listening. He told me, “You know Piercedtongue is such an idiot! I would kill for a girl like you. I would marry her in a heartbeat.”

I looked at him and said, “Well, I guess thanks.” (I am not going to lie, it did feel good. But I thought ok, he is saying this to make me feel good. Shania don’t think that he actually means it. He is just being polite).

Although I was saying all these things in my head, I saw Marven in a whole different light. I always thought he was really good looking but, fuck! Here I go with the damn looks. Don’t you know where fucken looks get you? You can’t possibly keep thinking like this Shania! Grow up! Don’t be a moron all your life!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 21 of 27

We woke up around noon time. Moe asked if it was ok if he threw a party. It was his house, what could I say? No? I said yes, but I didn’t really want to have a party. I was feeling kinda sick. I just wanted to be alone and sleep. I started cleaning the house while Moe went to get booze and snacks. Little by little people started arriving. It was a full house. There must have been about 15 people, most of them guys but there were about 3 girls. I tried to talk to them but they were totally not my type. One of the girls was talking about how many guys she had been with and how that made her “an independent woman." I was so tired of listening to her so I went to talk to Marven and a friend of his.

I was having a really good time with both of them. Marven’s friend left the party so it was just Marven and I who didn’t seem to get along with the rest of the people in there. Marven asked me if I wanted to go to the rooftop and I agreed so we went.

It was probably around midnight and it was cool and breezy. We didn’t see many stars, but the view of the entire city was was amazing. I saw the Canada that I never knew existed. There was a nice big couch waiting for us so we decided to sit and chat for a bit. We talked about life, about the future. He asked how was I doing staying at Moe's. (He didn’t know my whole situation because I didn’t want to tell him). After a while we decided to go back to the party before people started saying that we had ditched them. There were a few people left and Moe was wasted and sleeping in his bed. I decided to have a couple of shots but Marven asked me not to get smashed around this people and he said:

“I don’t know most of these fools. I don’t trust them.”

I listened to him and didn’t continue drinking. I was very tired and falling asleep in one of the couches, but the people were still drinking. Marven saw how tired I was and asked everybody to leave. He then said that he was going out to make sure that everybody took a cab home. I was too tired that I couldn't move from that same couch so I just lay there.

I didn’t notice when Marven came back, but I heard him call me a couple times. I didn’t answer because maybe this way he would leave sooner. He took a blanket and covered me, said goodnight and locked my door.

Moe was now staying home more often than he did before. Frankly, I was very uncomfortable. I was as feeling weird to be at his house. I didn’t want to be a burden for him, so I cleaned, cooked (whenever possible), did laundry, etc. Moe was very respectful, but I noticed that he had an issue with drugs…and not the soft drugs. He didn’t do any drugs while I was staying there, but I knew because a few times while doing his laundry I found a couple of pills of ecstasy and empty baggies in his pockets.

The weather was nice so I went for a walk to clear my head. Guess who I saw? Remember Mina? (The girl that Piercedtongue brought home so I could be friends with?) Yeah her!

Mina said, "Hello." She was really excited to see me (Too bad I wasn’t a bit excited to see her) and the usual crap that people tell you when they haven’t seen you for a while: “Oh you look great!” (In my head I was thinking “Too bad I can’t say the same thing about you”). "You look great too Mina." She smiled and laughed with that super annoying laugh of hers. She asked me how things were going with Piercedtongue so I asked, “Don’t tell me you don’t know?"

She replied, “Oh I am sorry did you guys break up?"

I told her it was more that he had abandoned me. I filled her in about what had happened.

She said, “You know I do like you. I thought you were a cool girl ever since I met you and I tried to give you advice, but you did not want to listen.”

I answered, "Well, I barely knew you; I did not know what were your intentions."

Mina: "Shania, I owe you an apology."

I said, "No, I guess I owe you an apology….I didn’t trust you because Piercedtongue said that you were jelous and that…….."

Mina: "Piercedtongue and I were fucking around while you were with him…..but this is all before I knew who you were. I swear, I stopped as soon as I met you…I told him how much of an asshole he was for doing this to you"

WTF! Another one of those moments - when someone wakes you up abruptly with a bucket of cold water in the face…..

I looked at her big dark eyes and couldn’t find the words that I wanted to use….

To be continued...

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 20 of 27

It was probably about 6:00 PM and I was sleepy so I decided to go back home to check if Moe maybe had already come down from his high. I opened the door and there was Marven, Loizo, Moe and other friends. I greeted everyone there and of course I thought I would not be able to sleep as it is a studio and there are no doors or privacy whatsoever. They were smoking weed and invited me by asking if I wanted a hit. I didn’t feel like smoking, but didn’t want to be the "party pooper," so I started smoking weed. Everything was so peaceful; I was so relaxed. I was laughing and having such a good time. I was happy. I don’t know when everybody else left, but it was only me and Marvin left. We were watching tv and talking crap. Everything was right but then I started to talk about him…..

I guess Marven was getting bored of me talking about Piercedtongue because he said he needed to go home. He probably thought that I was such a buzz killer. I started getting ready to go to bed when Moe came back and asked me if I was going anywhere. I asked, why? "Ohh, cuz I met this chick and I kind of want to be with her for a bit. Can I ask you to comeback in a couple of hours? After this I am going out and you can comeback." I agreed. After all it was his place and I understood that he wanted to be alone. I rushed to get my things and left.

Once again I am outside not knowing where to go. It was like 9 PM. I walked and sat by the park, but left because there were a few guys and I was getting scared. Finally 11 PM and I decided that I was gonna go back. I went back and noticed that I did not have my key. I knocked and knocked but there was no one. Moe had left... fuck!!! I am so screwed! I waited for Moe for an hour, but sometimes I wont see Moe for weeks...shit! I started walking towards Sasha's place. Maybe I can just ask her to let me stay this time. I was too exhausted to do anything else. I went to her place but right before I knocked on the door I heard her husband and her arguing in Russian. Oh no!! I cant ask her now! I went to the highest floor at her apartment building. I was too weak and tired to go anywhere, so I slept in the stairwell, where I thought there was no traffic.

I thought about calling my mom and just tell her to take me back this time. I know that if I would've told her my situation she would take me back, but she would remind me about this for the rest of my life. No I can't do this, I have to suck it up. I have to manage and I cant ask for help. I got myself into this mess and I have to get out by myself. I cant let no one know what I am going through.
I woke up around 7 AM and I had to leave before some one saw me. I went back to Moe's place and hoped that he was there. He opened the door and asked me where I had been. I told him I forgot my key and that I was at Sasha’s. He went back to his bed and as I was still tired I went to sleep to my bed. I know, so awkward both of us sleeping in the same room, but I did not care was too I worn out