Thursday, March 19, 2009

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 13 of 27

Sunday morning, I woke up and I saw Moe sleeping in his bed, I didn’t hear him coming home last night. I was already up trying to be quiet and not do anything that would wake him but I was getting bored. I took a quick shower and out the door I went. It was freaking cold, I had nothing to do outside no money, no direction, I just needed to kill time. Tomorrow I will go and ask Randy for my pay check; after all he owes me $1500 dollars.

It was Monday morning I was on my way to work, it was snowing and I had to walk about 40 minutes because I had no subway fare. I got there and was soaking wet, luckily I had my uniform inside the restaurant, I tried to open the door but was closed, I thought that maybe Randy slept in, I decided to go to the convenience store next door, they might know where Randy is.

{ Before I continue with the remaining parts of this story I know some of you are gonna think that I am full of shit and just making everything up, you can believe whatever you want . I know what happened, and someone else that I won’t reveal his/her identity knows my whole ordeal.}

I talked to Midas (the clerk) and asked him where Randy went. He said

“What, you didn’t know? Mothafucker! Fucken asshole!”

I was confused and said “what?”

Midas: “Last week he closed the restaurant he said we wasn’t making enough money and decided to cut his losses and leave”

I said “WHAT?! He owes me $ 1500 dollars

Midas: “call him right now!“

I called him and the phone was out of service, FUCK! I couldn’t believe this was happening to me, especially now, I didn’t have a penny in my pocket. I turned around so that Midas wouldn’t see my tears, tears of anger and desperation, how can there be this kind of inconsiderate individuals in the world, now that I needed that money more than ever.

I immediately called Sasha and found out that he owed her money as well and never told her about closing the restaurant; she said that she had the key to the restaurant and maybe we can take something and sell it

(Yeah, I know we were breaking the law but so did he and in our case where would we go to complain? my visitors permit in Canada was already expired and was basically an illegal and Sasha was a refugee wasn’t supposed to be working until her case cleared but we needed to work to survive.)

She got there in about 10 minutes we opened the door and the place was clean, just a couple of plastic chairs. There wasn’t anything we could do, we got duped. I was devastated and just started crying and told Sasha what had happened a couple of days before. She told me that she was going to talk to her husband to see if maybe I can stay with them but I did not want to bother her because they were newlyweds, I did not want to become the 5th wheel, I told her I was ok were I was.

I walked home and was so depressed; I did not care about the snow or about getting sick. What the fuck I was gonna do? Where am I standing in this relationship? Is he coming back?
(I know that everybody wants to kick my ass for saying this kind of things but this is what happened, I was having these thoughts) After all he is working right? Yes I will be ok, but I still need to talk to him. I called him and he did not answer, I left him a message to call me back….

The next day I called him again I left him another message this time I told him that I lost my job and Randy owed me 1,500 dollars and he vanished. I kept calling him leaving him messages to call me that it was urgent, message after message until I filled his voice mail.

3 days and still no response from him. I was incredibly sad and I did not know what to do next, I kept thinking ….. What did I get myself into? I am an idiot, I am a fucken dumbass, He is not coming back! Fuck, I need a job, the food is running out and I have not heard from Moe who knows when he is coming back and… I can’t ask him for money… I need a job

I went to see Midas at the convenience store, I asked if he knew someone that was hiring, (under the table) he said he was gonna check and to call him later.

I was heart broken, I could not think straight, some how I still hoped that he would come back, that he would see the mistake he made and we would get back together. Oh I missed him terribly, I would open the closet and sniffed his clothes, I wore his pajamas to bed and l felt him close to me. I felt like I could not eat, think or breathe, everything was hard … I couldn’t live with out him… That night I dreamt about him, that we were together, I would do anything to have him close to me, I could still feel his lips next to mine, I would close my eyes and still see him, only to opened them and see that there was no one next to me..

To be continued...


underOvr (aka The U) said...

Good morning Shania,

What you describe is a memory I've long-since tucked away. What it was like to not have the security we so easily forget we once had becomes a constant source of frustration and anguish.

Just knowing that today you are the woman that you were meant to be means that what you experienced in a way helped prepare you for what lies ahead. Perhaps another young woman is facing a similar circumstance and she by chance finds your blog.

What you experienced may shine a light that illuminates enough clarity for her to see a way out of her situation. This would be a good thing that resulted from something which seems so bad.


Christine said...

Well said U.

I am in shuch shock and feel such horror for you. Again, I do hope that you are safe little one.

When we reach our absolute lowest point, we take this experience to help another in their time of need.
We never 'go' thru anything without a reason. It is a journey, it is a path, and as always God has us safely kept.

AlpHa Buttonpusher said...

Wow..that city on the photo looks a bit like mine, although I live on the other side of the world :)
Won't be kickin' your ass this time :)

Jeah said...

"this too shall pass and the sun will definitely shine soon", this i get to learn from my life.

you are right, your life reminds me so much of mine. looking back i thought there is no way i can make things better. but now, i realized that it was just a rehearsal for something greater and a lot more better me.

go Great woman! let us run with the wolves and be free and happy!

.beee. said...

Wow. You have definitely been through some amazingly tough times. But from reading these entries, you seem much stronger from these things that were heart-and soul-shattering. I hope things are so much better for you now, in your present life =)

Shania said...

I really don't know what to say... your encouragement and your support is overwhelming and I am deeply touched by your words. I am very glad to know people like you..

thank you from the bottom of my heart!