Thursday, May 14, 2009

This is me right now

What is love?
Perhaps I am just not sure

What is happiness?
Maybe my idea of happiness is different from what I thought

What is contentment?
Could it be that I am just asking for too much.. Or expecting a lot from you

What is fairness?
What? I don’t think it exists… at least not in this world (I am not sure if fairness exist ... yet I would fight for it)

What is assertiveness?
It sure is something that I am missing right now

What is confusion?
Exactly what I am feeling right now


It feels as if I am evolving… and it’s painful, it’s frustrating, it’s confusing …..
I am evolving into what? I have no idea, all I have are questions and there are no answers..
Could it be a quarter life crisis? I have no idea …..

I need to find myself.. I can’t even recognize myself sometimes… it feel as if I am not me anymore. In the outside it looks like me but in the inside it doesn’t feel like me… but then again who was I before? How do I know that was the real me? I am still in the same place I started, one question after another one… the answers that I get formulate another question.. and another one and another… ultimately I end up being more confused than before.

Don’t get me wrong… I pretty much have the same philosophy and hold the same principles that I had since the beginning of this “confusion” but I am still confused about other things….

The worst part is that people still come to me for advice… I had to tell them to make their own decisions … that probably it's time for them to find the answers within themselves… something that I haven’t been able to do for myself.

What do I want?
I don’t know

What do I need?
Who knows?

Why do I feel this way?
I don’t know but I know I must remain positive and I am somewhat positive……
I must see it as an opportunity…. To re-evaluate myself, to find myself and to prepare for what might be coming… the one theory I can make out of this, is that “maybe” my mind is preparing for something… preparing for a change…. What kind of change?? I have no idea… will it be a positive change? I really hope so, I hate drama. But like I keep saying “everything happens for a reason” (I guess this should be my motto) There are no good or bad experiences… I believe it is just neutral; we make it bad or good depending on what we get out of it. In the end I think everything is what we make of it. Change is coming ….. I just hope I make a good thing off of it.


.beee. said...

I'm sure that whatever is coming, you will turn it around so that it will benefit you. Your soul is just beautiful like that. I know that you can make it through whatever is coming...and you'll make it through stronger. Be blessed, beautiful.

All my ♥

The Scrybe said...

Oooh, an existential crisis.
The best thing about becoming a new you, is that there is so much more to explore and to discover. Exciting times :)

Elizabeth Marie said...

Ohhh I feel like I could have written this myself. But you're optimism at the end is what we should focus on. Change is hard though-I'm going through sooo much change right now. Nice to know I'm not the only one! :)

Left you a lil somethin on my blog, love! XOXO

Anonymous said... sound like me! Change and acceptance are two of the things that pulled me through to the other side.

Faker said...

i know exactly how you feel! for almost all my life i was so sure where i was heading but recently i can't picture myself being the person i wanted to be!

I am sure that everything will work out in the end but it is frustrating not knowing!

AlenaRosa said...

I completely understand where you are coming from! I'm experincing my own quarter life crisis and don't know exactly where this will end up and all I can do is embrace change, because it is inevitable. Hope all is well with you.

Elizabeth Marie said...

Oh, and when you figure out wtf love is, could you please let me know? :) Because I have no idea. XO

Christine said...

Very excited to tell you that you are Featured Blogger of the Week!

Anonymous said...

The most useful part of self discovery is that you learn about acceptance. Acceptance of who you are; acceptance of who you used to be; acceptance of who you are becoming. Things happen, people come and go, lives change. And we learn to accept and adapt and grow. It's a beautiful thing, really.

Enjoy the journey.

Valerie Wangnet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shania said...

Bee:Thank you for your kind words. I really hope I get something positive out of this situation.

The Scrybe: WOW! When I read that I got a revelation. Seriously,I am SO thankful about your comment. It made me see it in a whole new light. I am so excited. It sure is as you said "exciting times"

Elizabeth Marie: Thank you so much for the award! LOL about love... gosh I don't know and don't even know if it has a different meaning for each one of us.

Green Fingers: "Change and acceptance are two of the things that pulled me through to the other side".
Its unbelievable the amount of wisdom that I receive from you guys. I have done just that and I am able to enjoy my transition. Thank you!

AlenaRosa: "embrace change, because it is inevitable". You are totally right it's inevitable, might as well enjoy it.

Christine: Thank you so much! What an honor is to be featured in your blog! Truly appreciated.

Jeff D'Antonio: "And we learn to accept and adapt and grow. It's a beautiful thing, really.Enjoy the journey". It sure is a beautiful Journey... I am discovering just that.

Valerie Wangnet: Thank you VERY much for that comment. I am just humbled by those words. I am glad you liked my music.

It is truly amazing the support that I get from each one of you. I am glad I shared my feelings with you guys.. I am truly enjoying my journey.


Shania said...

Faker: I am surprised by the amount of people that feel this way. I know, totally frustrating not knowing but it sure is exciting.