Monday, April 6, 2009

Why did I come to Canada?! Part 22 of 27

My womanhood shattered. I felt like my heart dropped to the floor and broke into a million pieces. What was there to show of me? Nothing, I lost it all. My self-esteem was finished; my dignity gone; my honor long gone; my self respect I had left it in California; I was defeated.

When everything had failed and I felt to just give up on everything…my pride lifted me up.

Mothefucker!! He had the nerve to introduce me to his lover? I was hurt. I wanted to slap her. Fucken cocksucker! He cheated on me with this skank.

I said, “You know Mina, you have balls. How many times you looked at me in the eye, yet knowing that you were having sex with him.”

Mina: “I told you I stopped right after I met you. I knew you were a good innocent girl and I confronted him. That’s why I told you not to love him and to just use this as an experience and enjoy the sex.

I said, “You know what the worst of this is? That I had feelings for him.”

But those feelings of love were gone. That’s it, it’s over! I hated Piercedtongue. I wished I would be able to see him once more so that I could at least spit on his face.

I started walking away from her and she kept on following me,

Mina: “I am sorry girl. It is totally understandable that you feel this way towards me, but you have to understand I did not know you. I am not trying to excuse my behavior as I know I was wrong, but don’t lay all the blame on me…”

I turned around and I really wanted to slap her

She rushed to hug me and said, “I am sorry, really. I feel terrible.”

I kept moving away and trying to remove her hands off my waist. She was holding tightly and I kept warning her that if she didn’t leave me alone, I was going to slap her. She responded by saying that if it made me feel better then do it. I didn’t hit her. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have any more tears in my eyes. My tears were anger and frustration. I wanted to punch her in the face and to tell her what cheap fugly whore she was. But I didn’t because it wasn’t her, it was him and it was me.

We talked for a while and I sincerely accepted her apology. I wasn’t mad at her anymore. I was mad at myself for being such a huge loser and believing all his lies.

She gave me her business card and tried to give me money, but I did not take it. I was not about to take money from his fucken lover. We said our goodbyes and I was not planning on becoming friends with her, so I tossed her business card and decided to forget about her. Three days later I found $60 dollars in my purse. It was Mina’s money. Four months later I went to her job so that I could pay her the money. I was told that she moved to another province. I have never seen her again since that last time, but I wish her all the best and hope that one day someone returns the favor. At least she had the balls to come clean unlike Piercedtongue.

I went back home to find that Moe and Marven where there. I was glad not to be alone with Moe cause like I said before the situation was awkward. Sometimes I ran out of things to say to him. We were chilling and smoking. Moe left because he had a date with a girl. He said he was coming back in a couple hours. Marven and I were becoming really good friends… we were talking and joking, well he was doing most of the jokes, I was just listening. He told me, “You know Piercedtongue is such an idiot! I would kill for a girl like you. I would marry her in a heartbeat.”

I looked at him and said, “Well, I guess thanks.” (I am not going to lie, it did feel good. But I thought ok, he is saying this to make me feel good. Shania don’t think that he actually means it. He is just being polite).

Although I was saying all these things in my head, I saw Marven in a whole different light. I always thought he was really good looking but, fuck! Here I go with the damn looks. Don’t you know where fucken looks get you? You can’t possibly keep thinking like this Shania! Grow up! Don’t be a moron all your life!


underOvr (aka The U) said...

Hi Shania,

I still don't know if Mina's confession was the correct thing to do. I see that for her it provided a means for closure but the revelation was painful for you.

In the end, she obtained closure and you were able to give her some measure of forgiveness by not striking back at her.


Richard said...

That guy was a dirty dealer. The woman felt guilty so she gave you a apology in a strange way.
. Feel hurt yes, but don't punish yourself because of that ass of a boyfriend.

Christine said...

I agree with both U, and Richard.
They both said exactly the right thing.

.beee. said...

I really wish he would've come back around so you could've spit on him too girl! I'm against spitting on anyone usually, but that bastard would totally deserve it!

Shania said...

U: I am very glad that Mina confessed because I rather know the truth,even if it hurts.

Richard: I know she was feeling guilty and I guess she gave me money to try to make her self feel better.

Christine:yeah they sure did.

Bee:totally agree.

thanks for your comments.