Sunday, April 11, 2010

Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make. You can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won’t know for twenty years! And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce…

And they say there’s no fate, but there is, it’s what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead, or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain wasting years for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right, but it never comes. Or it seems to, but it doesn’t really.

So you spend you time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along, something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel cherished, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is is, I feel so angry! And the truth is, I feel so fucking sad! And the truth is, I’ve felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long, I’ve been pretending I’m okay, just to get along!

I don’t know why. Maybe because…no one wants to hear about my misery…because they have their own.

Synecdoche NY


Anonymous said...

Shania...the first few months of my blog were all about misery and I didn't care who read it!
It was for me!
This is for you!

Your writing was so powerful here to.
You WILL connect sooner or later, I've no doubt about that!

The Coffee Curmudgeon said...

We hide who we truly are on a daily basis, just to fit in. Happiness comes in those moments where you find that you can be who you are; when you find a place where you can act like you feel, and not like you should.

No fate but what we create... straight out of the Terminator franchise. Who knew a movie about robots could pinpoint the essence of life.

Find where you belong... life life for you, not for others. If all else fails, misery loves it's company.

Abe's Heart said...

Haven't seen you in a long time. I wish so much you were still writing. Wherever you are right now in your life, I hope you still write.

Take care,
Abe's Heart.

creating good said...

great blessings a friend kevin clarke doing awesome hope the same for you..